twohundredseventy

Overcoming Deployment One Day at a Time

Pre-Deployment Blues

on August 16, 2012

Yesterday was by far the worst I’ve had thus far.

Two weeks, four days.

That’s all I could think all day long.  It was torture.  And I’m certain my babies sensed my stress and sadness because they were both overwhelmingly difficult yesterday.  Or maybe I just felt like they were being difficult.

Yesterday  morning I sat on the couch crying in hysterics as hubby got ready to leave for work.  All I wanted was for him to stay home with me, to help me with the kids, to be by my side.  Soon enough he won’t be able to do any of those things.  For the life of me, I can’t understand why in the weeks before deployment he still spends more time with the soldiers he’s about to deploy with for 9 months than he does with his wife & kids who he is about to leave for 9 months.  I just get so angry with him.

Anger is a defense mechanism, though.  If I’m angry with him, then maybe I won’t miss him as much.  Maybe I’ll be ready for him to leave.  Maybe I’ll just stop caring that he’ll be gone for so  long.

None of those things are actually true, but I try to trick myself into thinking anger could help the sadness go away when really it is only fueling it.

I spend so much time being angry with hubby that by the time I see what I’m doing I realize I could’ve spent that time telling him how much I love him, making sure he knows I’m proud of him or cuddling with him on the couch (after he’s home from work, of course).  When I come to that realization the sadness I feel over the deployment becomes 10 times worse because I’m not making the most of his time left here.

Two weeks, three days.

I’ll do all I can to make the most of the short time that’s left.

Today has been a little better.  I still haven’t starting packing, but I can almost think about making a packing list without bursting into tears.  Almost.

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3 responses to “Pre-Deployment Blues

  1. S.D.Pankus says:

    The pre-deployment blues are the worst part of it. I made it out to be 10 times worse in my head because I had the time to think about it. But when he’s gone, you’ll be surprised at how quickly you fall into a new routine. You get so caught up in living life and figuring the new phase out that you sometimes forget that time is passing. You’ll miss your husband, don’t get me wrong! But you don’t dwell on it as much.

    For fun, check out this site. I had two signs made for my husband’s homecoming (one from me, and one from the baby). The signs are free, all you have to pay is shipping. Your kids might enjoy helping you design them! http://www.buildasign.com/Troops?pscid=9382&extcid=1389&mtcid=p&ntwcid=g&kwcid=banners+for+soldiers&gclid=CNmi0fvp4bACFUOo4AoduAxZ1g&fb_source=message

    • baywifey270 says:

      Thanks so much for the comment and the link! I am very ready to get into a new routine. Right now I feel like my kids and I are in limbo just waiting & knowing hubby won’t be here much longer. It is comforting to know that the people who have been through this before have also gone through the pre-deployment blues. To know that it’ll get better makes me just a bit more comfortable with the whole situation. Thanks again. =)

  2. Even my husband is admitting this waiting period is the worst. He’s frustrated that he isn’t getting more time with us at this point. Thankfully, he has opportunity leave next week, but our daughter is already in school and her routine is vital to my sanity and her ability to function. Really does just suck. I told him, I wish he would just deploy already. The sooner he leaves the sooner he comes home.

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