Overcoming Deployment One Day at a Time

The Five Stages

*To all my readers, I apologize for my recent absence.  I have no excuse other than not knowing where to go next.  I think I’ve found more inspiration, though.  Enjoy.*

I haven’t had a lot of time to write in a few days.  In the time I have found, I haven’t actually written, though.  Instead, I searched high & low for inspiration.


Since I lacked motivation as well, I gave up on the inspiration search pretty quickly.  I just haven’t been in the mood, ya know?

Perhaps the blogging world frowns upon me sharing my lack of drive, but I’m too new to know any better.  At least that’s my excuse.  After all, I am feeling a lack of consideration as well.

This past weekend & early week have just been one of those uneventful, lazy, selfish group of days.  Hmmm…Maybe this is stemming from pre-deployment woes?

Ah ha!  Inspiration!

Everyone knows about the 5 stages of loss and grief, right?

1. Denial & Isolation

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

Go to this super informative psychology site to learn more about each of them.  If you haven’t already heard of these 5 stages, then read up!  It is always good to know you’re not alone in an emotional roller coaster when something terrible happens.

Motivation!  I want to know if everyone else goes through highs & lows during the weeks leading up to deployment.  I know I can’t be alone…and I’m not.

I found this blog entitled “Five Stages of Pre-Deployment.”  Well, that sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

In this blog the author delves into our inner struggles with denial, disbelief, anger, sadness and acceptance.  I’m certain each of us deal with these stages differently, and some (like myself) go back & forth through the stages.  Sometimes it happens all in one day; other times I get stuck in a certain stage for days.  Now I’m stuck in the disbelief & anger stages with a little acceptance thrown in.

I know from past experiences that when I’m in utter disbelief and/or angry I become uninspired, lack motivation and see the world through only my eyes.  A little sliver of me wishes I were out of the disbelief & anger stages and, instead, in denial.  When I’m in denial, I’m usually a little happier than normal and pretend life is great.  In denial, though, I have these constant, lingering knots in my stomach.  I know deep down that something is wrong.  Sadness usually hits soon after my denial stage; I come down like a ton of bricks.  Like with disbelief and anger, I become unmotivated during sadness.  I usually find myself sitting in front of the TV, ignoring the world around me.  As far as acceptance goes, well…I can feel hints of acceptance every once in a while.  There’s relief in acceptance.  There’s a peace that comes with that stage that I can’t explain, and it’s where I want to be.  I hope the acceptance stage hits me full on here fairly quickly since D-day is soon.

So that’s a quick overview of how I feel throughout these 5 stages of pre-deployment.  How do you feel?  What are your side effects of denial, disbelief, anger, sadness and acceptance?


Pre-Deployment Blues

Yesterday was by far the worst I’ve had thus far.

Two weeks, four days.

That’s all I could think all day long.  It was torture.  And I’m certain my babies sensed my stress and sadness because they were both overwhelmingly difficult yesterday.  Or maybe I just felt like they were being difficult.

Yesterday  morning I sat on the couch crying in hysterics as hubby got ready to leave for work.  All I wanted was for him to stay home with me, to help me with the kids, to be by my side.  Soon enough he won’t be able to do any of those things.  For the life of me, I can’t understand why in the weeks before deployment he still spends more time with the soldiers he’s about to deploy with for 9 months than he does with his wife & kids who he is about to leave for 9 months.  I just get so angry with him.

Anger is a defense mechanism, though.  If I’m angry with him, then maybe I won’t miss him as much.  Maybe I’ll be ready for him to leave.  Maybe I’ll just stop caring that he’ll be gone for so  long.

None of those things are actually true, but I try to trick myself into thinking anger could help the sadness go away when really it is only fueling it.

I spend so much time being angry with hubby that by the time I see what I’m doing I realize I could’ve spent that time telling him how much I love him, making sure he knows I’m proud of him or cuddling with him on the couch (after he’s home from work, of course).  When I come to that realization the sadness I feel over the deployment becomes 10 times worse because I’m not making the most of his time left here.

Two weeks, three days.

I’ll do all I can to make the most of the short time that’s left.

Today has been a little better.  I still haven’t starting packing, but I can almost think about making a packing list without bursting into tears.  Almost.