Overcoming Deployment One Day at a Time

The Sweet Olympics & Their Spoilers

London Olympics 2012

Oh, how sweet it would’ve been to be at these olympic games, but sitting in front of the television (and computer screen) with my hubby cheering at every accomplishment and flinching at every mishap was so much sweeter.

A few months back, we were under the impression hubby may already be deployed when the Olympics started.  If you’re familiar with the military, though, you know dates change constantly.  Seriously, all the time.  We were thankful for this change, though.  His date got pushed back far enough to be able to watch all 2+ weeks of the games.

Together we saw Michael Phelps win his 19th medal, breaking yet another record.  We watched Jordan Wieber layout her emotions when (as the favorite) she didn’t qualify for the all-around in gymnastics. Hubby and I stood staring at the television screen as Misty May-Treanor and & Kerri Walsh won another gold and celebrated their last victory together as a beach volleyball team.  (Go to the official Olympic games website to see all the other amazing Olympic moments.  It’s worth it.)

I’ve always, ALWAYS enjoyed the Olympics, but this year they were so much sweeter.  I can’t even begin to express in words the joy I feel knowing I got to experience all of it with my hubby before he deploys.  I’m sure we would’ve still discussed it via Skype from thousands of miles away, but getting to see each others’ reactions at the moment something amazing happened was like nothing else.

Being able to share my grief over internet spoilers with him was also rewarding.  I’m so glad I had someone here to vent to about all the internet hype.  He made me feel much better, and even though we knew some results we continued to watch as if we didn’t.  Precious times.

Then there was this…

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Pre-Deployment Blues

Yesterday was by far the worst I’ve had thus far.

Two weeks, four days.

That’s all I could think all day long.  It was torture.  And I’m certain my babies sensed my stress and sadness because they were both overwhelmingly difficult yesterday.  Or maybe I just felt like they were being difficult.

Yesterday  morning I sat on the couch crying in hysterics as hubby got ready to leave for work.  All I wanted was for him to stay home with me, to help me with the kids, to be by my side.  Soon enough he won’t be able to do any of those things.  For the life of me, I can’t understand why in the weeks before deployment he still spends more time with the soldiers he’s about to deploy with for 9 months than he does with his wife & kids who he is about to leave for 9 months.  I just get so angry with him.

Anger is a defense mechanism, though.  If I’m angry with him, then maybe I won’t miss him as much.  Maybe I’ll be ready for him to leave.  Maybe I’ll just stop caring that he’ll be gone for so  long.

None of those things are actually true, but I try to trick myself into thinking anger could help the sadness go away when really it is only fueling it.

I spend so much time being angry with hubby that by the time I see what I’m doing I realize I could’ve spent that time telling him how much I love him, making sure he knows I’m proud of him or cuddling with him on the couch (after he’s home from work, of course).  When I come to that realization the sadness I feel over the deployment becomes 10 times worse because I’m not making the most of his time left here.

Two weeks, three days.

I’ll do all I can to make the most of the short time that’s left.

Today has been a little better.  I still haven’t starting packing, but I can almost think about making a packing list without bursting into tears.  Almost.